Hello Friends! I'm writing to tell you about an exciting opportunity I recently became aware of. There will be opportunity for emails, conference calls, exclusive facebook groups, super encouraging texts, team meetings, goal setting, and a gofundmepage because I definitely have the time and desire to do all of those things.
The Simple Plan
My simple and revolutionary wellness plan is B-COAST. Today I will provide you with some benefits of the program, along with some personal experience from my OWN life. These amazing health related lessons are fresh in my mind, as the program was only developed this week, but now that it has been tested, I'm sharing with you. Allow me to be your guide through B-COAST. Let's get started!
B-COAST stands for Bad Case of Adult Strep Throat. The eating plan could not be simpler. Simply ingest nothing but amoxicillin and throat lozenges every day for about a week. How easy is that!
I highly recommend a support staff like the one I have. It includes an over-the-top Helpful Husband, and a ICU trained nurse practitioner Mom who happens to be visiting from Arkansas to care for yourself and your household while you go through this experience.
The husband's duties may include all the things he usually does, but will add things like planning and preparing meals, dropping and picking up kids at school and activities, and finding the right doors for each of those activities. Don't be surprised if this involved helpful husband didn't realize the school dismissal time is different this year than previous years. It's only February. Husband will also help keep track of your medicines, groanings, feelings, the two small children not in school, and bringing the baby to you to nurse every 3 hours.
Mom's duties may include keeping the family clothed and happy, and reading the same books your 4th grade son is reading so they can talk about it together, even if the book is a sci fi series about animal robots She should also constantly sanitize everything, including kitchens and people, genuinely love to hear your daughter practice piano, and cheerfully play with the youngest children at any given moment.
After the contagious period has passed, Mom's duties will also include entering the quarantine room wearing a surgeon mask and rubber gloves and carrying cleaning supplies. She can then take out your trash, throw out your toothbrush, wash all the linens (hazmat!!) and because she's not only a nurse, but also kinda quirky, intentionally mop your floor with mouth wash.
The benefits of this program are innumerable!
Humor: At one point I thought to myself, "If I start the antibiotic on Monday afternoon, I'll probably even make it to my Mom's in Prayer group on Wednesday afternoon." HAHA! That's a good one! Funny girl, B-COAST is not a twenty four hour program. It will last as long as it needs to. And you will deal.
Patriotism: Knowing I MUST drink more to stop the dehydration headaches, but also knowing every swallow feels like torture, I took the patriotic approach. I pretended that in order to make it on Team USA, I must take 3 swallows and will qualify for the Olympic Hydration Finals. So with each swallow I said to myself, "I am an Olympian! I am going for the gold! I am USA! USA! USA!"
Fascinating Smells: Running a 103 degree temp for multiple days means that when the fevers break, they bring all kinds of interesting smells you didn't know existed on planet earth. So much that when you acknowledge it to your husband, he can't help that comment that, "it smells like a third world hospital in here."
Spiritual benefits: Lying in bed leaves plenty of time to pray for each family member, mostly that they will not get this illness. Or any illness ever. Or that anyone who ever lives will never get this illness. It also brings to mind people who deal with sickness, cancer, chronic pain, emotional pain, mental illness, etc. If this is you, I am so sorry.
Personal Records: My PR was in chamomile tea. I drank more in this one week than I have my entire life combined. Go Me!
New discoveries: After tiring of chamomile, I discovered the only other thing I wanted to drink was Bai Antioxidant Cocofusion. I had to apologize to my 4th child that we wouldn't have money for his college education because Mommy has a new expensive hipster water keeping her sane, but he didn't seem to mind. Also, the whole internet seems to be in love with elderberry. I haven't tried it yet, but I'm approaching day 6 of B-COAST, so I've got time. Is this an actual thing and not something from Harry Potter?
Special things your kids can learn while not in your care: In my experience with B-COAST, my 4 year old daughter made a game of hanging on the handle of the refrigerator. And my live in ICU nurse/mom told her she looks like she's pole dancing. So she goes around the house for the next few hours saying, "I'm a pole dancer!" When you hear this you say, "Silly Nana, Nana meant to say Polka Dancer, right? Isn't that what you meant to say, Nana? You are Polka dancing. Polka. Like polka dot. Because you can just picture your 4 year old strutting into her Sunday School class telling all the other kids she's a pole dancer. I mean, I already let my son grow a Padawan braid, let's not rock the boat too much.
Time: Time may be spent sleeping 20 hours a day, binge watching This Is Us, or reading a book in which the author exhorts that you are made my a creative God who equips you to create something! anything! So you create a really long satirical biography and call it a day. And she's right. It feels good to create.
Finally, if you are fortunate enough to become a member in this exciting venture, remember to create your own list of benefits, the possibilities are endless! I, for one, am daily haunted by what my Dr said as she presented me with my strep results. "Well, you tested positive for strep, but at least it's not the flu. The flu is worse."
Sara Tolbert is a grateful mother of 4 and a recent recipient of the flu shot